My Illusion of Self-Sufficiency
Feb 27, 2024
Last week, I listened to a teacher of mine, who's on fire for Jesus, share her testimony about leaving the worlds way of doing business to do business the Kingdom way - with Jesus at the center of it all.
As she shared her story, the Holy Spirit convicted me, graciously, of how I kept falling back in to this same trap because of a bad habit I'd learned over the years.
When did this all begin?
At 31 years old, I'd quit my 9-5 to start a business, finally lost 40 lbs, stopped drinking alcohol completely, and married my dream man. These incredible transformations were changes I'd chased for a decade but consistently discouraged by.
What changed? Ironically, there was one common denominator. Life coaching.
I'd never heard of a life coach before, I met the one who, introduced me to these powerful changes.
Although, I was over the moon with these incredible new life changes, I was completely unaware of a heavy burden I was coming underneath.
"It's up to me to create the life I desire."
"I need to do more, so I can become more."
"Look at the amazing results I got myself through hard work."
Those are two re-occurring thoughts, I believed, that quickly formed habits that built strongholds.
Strongholds of self-sufficiency. I took the chains of self-proving, that quickly grew into more ego and pride. I became obsessed with personal development, constantly being introspective to work on myself, heal myself, so I could be the best me.
Gosh, Gods grace is so grand, I often wonder why He's as patient as He is.
Jesus says, "I love each of you with the same love that the Father loves me. You must continually let my love nourish your hearts." - John 15:13
The problem, I found, with self-sufficiency is how it's a heavy burden that requires anxiously toiling to keep up with your self-dependency. I had tasted success in my health, love-life, business, and wealth but it was never good enough. The more successful I became the harder it was to be content or joy filled, until I hit the next goal.
In this self-focused lifestyle, even though my motives felt pure, it blocked my heart from receiving the nourishing love from Father God.
"It's impossible for a person to serve two masters at the same time" -Luke 16:13
God began to reveal these truths to me, exposing my illusion of self-sufficiency, inviting me to repent from this worldly way of living, so I could live dependent on Him.
As a believer, I'd fallen away from Jesus being at the throne of every area of my life.
Over the last two years Jesus continued to show me areas that He wanted me to surrender - finances, business, marriage, and purpose. Honestly, it's been painful but incredibly freeing.
Striving, proving, and trying to earn your worth by "taking on the world" is exhausting and God says "is death" but abiding in His Spirit is life and peace.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for graciously, unraveling me from my illusions and deception. You are so faithful with love that pursues me radically. Thank you! I pray You keep revealing my heart and motives. Give me the strength to abide in You each day and resist the temptation to rely on myself, own opinions, and reasoning. I want to live for Your Kingdom and in Your Presence every day, help me do that. In Jesus Name. Amen.
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