Steadfast Life Podcast & Blog

Feeling Offended, This Could Be Why

forgivness gratitude peace Sep 18, 2020

Lately, I've been doing some deep forgiveness work on my dad. If you don't know my story, in a nutshell, my dad was a Ranger in Vietnam. He struggled with severe PTSD and alcoholism. He's a good man, but tormented by post-war illnesses. 

I forgave him years ago, for all the trauma I experienced.  So, I assumed this work was complete. In many ways, it had improved tremendously.

Recently, I noticed, in my self-coaching and time with the Lord, I was still getting offended easily by others. Which caused me to put internal walls up and harden my heart for hours, sometimes even an entire day. 

"What's going on- I know better than to STAY angry or NOT forgive, quickly."

Thankfully, I'd finished an amazing book called, Experiencing the Father's Embrace by Jack Frost. I recommend you read this book, if you haven't.

The author addresses this exact problem- being offended easily and the need to control others which leads to unforgivness, anger, resentment, or bitterness....

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Life after People Pleasing

Uncategorized Sep 10, 2020

 

You've been there before.  You're committed.  You've got a plan.  You've prepped your veggies and protein.  This is the week you're going to make the changes.  And then it begins:

  • "Mom - I'm not going to be able to eat before practice tonight." 
  • "Is it OK if Maddy spends the night?" 
  • "Hey babe, let's do date night Thursday night.  What do you say to going out to a nice restaurant and getting appetizers AND dessert!?!?"

Maybe you even get the words out, "I had planned to eat healthy this week."

But the rebuttals come in, "Oh come on - you deserve a night out."  "One dinner won't make that much of a difference."

And deep down, you agree, but mostly because you think the same stuff.  It's not going to make a difference, I'll just blow it in a few days anyway, it's so selfish to ruin everyone's night since I never even stick with it."

...and there it is.  You go to the back burner, your weight stays the same, you have...

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No More Shame: The battle is not with food

As a person of faith, I’d pray, “Jesus, help me to stop emotionally eating and giving into cravings.”

It wouldn’t be long after that prayer, I’d be in the pantry eating spoons of Nutella or a bag of chips.

Quickly, I’d feel flooded with guilt, “you’re such a failure. See, you ARE out of control.”

My desire to be healthy, was no longer JUST about losing 40lbs, it was about being free from the guilt.

I WANTED to believe God could help me make healthy changes and stick to them, but WHY wasn’t He helping me?

Sometimes, the more I prayed, the more desperate and out of control I felt.

I discovered, He was teaching me something MUCH bigger than weight loss.

He actually wanted to give me MORE than I could see.

 

Today, I know what was missing: I was focused on fixing the symptom not the cause.

The battle wasn’t with food/drink.

The battle was with the mind.

 

I stopped thinking "I'm such a failure and out of...

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Blog: Errors are Your Pathway to Success

Uncategorized Aug 28, 2020

 

“I’ve failed so many times that I’ve lost belief in myself” is the fastest way to QUITTING on what you want. That's a deadly thought, yet soo common!

Here's the TRUTH: Repeatable success is built FROM making ERRORS and LEARNING from them.

Yes, you read that correctly- doing it wrong (like not sticking to the plan) so you can acquire knowledge.

Errors = opportunities.

Think about a result you would love to have in 6 months. Maybe it’s weight loss, a healthy lifestyle, doubling your income, or improving a difficult relationship.  

When you think about that goal it’s common for your brain to bring up all your past errors- compiling up evidence to why it’s NOT possible, how it’s been so hard, and that you don’t know how to get there.

You quickly feel discouraged or disappointed-right?

So what do you do then?

Get busy with “all the other things” and convince yourself you just don’t have time to go after...

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The 5am Trade. Is it worth it?

Uncategorized Aug 27, 2020

 

Whit and I break down our path through the obstacles to becoming "morning people."  The biggest game changer was getting honest about what we'd have to give up and what we would gain.  Having the TRUTH on the table ...NOT just the story we were telling ourselves ...allowed to us to truly understand what we were trading.

We had a lot of resistance when Whit brought up the idea of going running at 5am in the Winter of 2017 - one main point of contention was that WE WEREN'T RUNNERS!!!

Other thoughts like

  • I don't have time
  • It will be too hard
  • I'll just quit
  • It's not safe
  • It might be unhealthy
  • It's not going to make any difference

...then the kicker:  I can't get up that early because I WILL BE TOO TIRED.

It sounded so true ...after all it's science.  Less sleep = more tired.  But did there NEED to be less sleep?  Wait - why DO I go to bed at 11pm?  Aaahhh - T.V.

So I actually COULD do this, but I'd need to give up T.V.  Now this just went...

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How to Overcome "Impossible"

 

As Whit and I get back to life after taking 12 teenagers on a 7 day wilderness adventure, we reflect on some of the insights that came up while the kids were staring at challenges with NO BELIEF that success was possible.  Then what they learned as they leaned into the impossible hard enough to make it possible.

The key is the fuel ...the emotion ...the feeling that you are experience as you are taking on a difficult challenge.  I KNOW you have a "mountain" of your own - that challenge in your own life that just looks impossible from here.  I believe that these lesson learned in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in California are the same lessons that help you to climb yours.

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Is Backwards Really Worse?

Uncategorized Jul 13, 2020

 

 

Whit and I went on a 5 day mountain climbing expedition.  There were so many things that happened, so many choices that had outcomes, so many times we tried to evaluate if those outcomes were better or worse than before we took action.  At the end of the day, things that we thoughts were great were more of a hindrance once we knew the whole story, and by the same token, things that we thoughts were errors turned out to be JUST the outcomes that ensured a successful summit of THE TALLEST MOUNTAIN in the Lower 48 States.
What's the tallest mountain in your life?  Ready to climb it?

 

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You've Got to Believe it to See it

Uncategorized Jul 13, 2020

 

 

 "I'll believe it when I see it" - we've all thought it, we've probably all said it, but what if the entire premise is wrong.

Every time I've tried to chase down a scary goal or make a big change in my life I do a risk/reward or cost/benefit analysis in my head.  Ultimately I come to the same conclusion - if the result was guaranteed by certain date and come a certain way, then the goal wouldn't be scary.  The scary part is all the risk and all the reward have to be put in up front and reward is "out there" somewhere.

One thing I know for sure - if I DON'T put in the work I will FOR SURE miss out on the reward.  So the conclusion is this ..."I need to see it to believe it." is a cop out.  It's a trick that our lizard brain uses to keep us safe and comfortable.  The truth is that we need to believe it FIRST, then we'll take the actions that will allow us to see it.

How do you do that?  Step one = listen to the podcast ...the rest is...

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The POWER in Forgiveness

Uncategorized Jun 06, 2020

 

Responsibility is not blame - responsibility is your ABILITY to respond, it is taking ownership of reality instead living within the fantasy of what SHOULD be.

Responsibility and Freedom are directly proportional - the more responsibility you take in your life, the more freedom you experience.  When that responsibility is connected to being hurt or offended, we call it forgiveness.

Forgiveness is about CHOOSING to let go of the IMPACT of an event.  It’s offering yourself the opportunity to regain the energy that’s wasted when you hold on to the hurts, the slights, and the pains of the past.

  • Not about pretending something didn’t happen
  • Not about pretending there was no pain
  • Not about pretending that there aren’t times when people are cruel on purpose

It IS about letting go of the impact on us

“As long as we hold onto the myth that not forgiving is protection, then we’re frozen in place.” - Dr. Lee Baucom...

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The Unseen Threat to your Relationship

Uncategorized May 28, 2020

Discomfort is the currency for growth and relationships are no exception.  The first step to accessing that growth is to resist the temptation to buffer that discomfort - in a relationship, buffering can be exceptionally damaging.  If you're concerned about anxiety, resentment, or disconnection, these next 15 minutes could change the whole game.

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