Steadfast Life: The Podcast

Have you ever lost your cool in an argument on social media ...me too.  Usually because the OTHER person is refusing to live by the FACTS I am offering.  Well it's a FACT that attempting to change a belief by bombarding it with facts is ineffective ...so I guess I am the one not living by the facts.  The same is true with the beliefs we want to change in our OWN MIND.  Have a listen and let's get this sorted out.

Plan - Execute - Evaluate - Adjust - Repeat

As 2018 comes to an end, Whitney and Jake invite you into the conversation as they look back at the fears that threatened to keep them stuck in 2018.  Enjoy the conversation ...but more importantly, let it spark your own.  What did your relationship with fear look like this year?  How will it look next year?

“If you have declared war against the primary part of you called fear, and that war is now playing out in your mind, you’re spending a lot of energy fighting that war.  That doesn’t leave a lot of energy for you to compete in your sport. In many ways, over time that war becomes exhausting. In order to get away from that war, people will quit their sport. And people feel like they’re burnt out on their sport but really they’re burnt out on the repression of fear and how much energy that takes.” - Kristen Ulmer

The is an alternative to resisting fear.  In the work we do with clients we refer to the facts of a situation as "the C-Line".  Even thought fear is an emotion, what if you decided it was a fact?  What if you decided that resisting fear was as silly as resisting time?  

Try this - just stick fear in the C-Line, then CHOOSE what you think about it.  I've had WAY more success with that than...

What are you scared of?  ...the list is pretty standard.  Spiders, snakes, clowns, the dark, and tight spaces.  My guess is that THOSE are not the fears that are keeping you from your dreams.

"I WOULD try out for the play ...but there might be a spider, and I don't like how dark it is back stage." - I feel confident that the truth has more to do with being in the spot light, feeling embarrassed, being judged and found lacking, failing publicly ...etc.  Or to sum it all up, a fear of attention

In this episode, we get REAL about the REAL fears that keep us from pursuing our passions, keep us stuck in relationships that aren't healthy, or have us continuing to work at a job that makes us feel small year after year.

What if you could be free from THESE fears - or at least free from they power they wield in your life?  Then what would be possible?

When you look at the role fear makes in your decision making, do you ever give it magical powers?  Sometimes I do.  I'll have an idea about something I can build or create.  Maybe a unique way that I can offer value to the world - and I'll feel fear.  Then I have thoughts ABOUT that fear like - "Oh man, I wonder why I'm scared - maybe I should wait on this."  or "I have a bad feeling about this, maybe I shouldn't do it."

When I stop and reflect on my logic ...logic which I often categorize as "being realistic" by the way, I am giving my fear this sort all knowing power about the future.  I am making my fear a supernatural power that can tell me if my present choice will pan out or not.  Isn't it interesting how it always says, "No ...you'll probably die."

The underlying thoughts is this:  "If this were REALLY a good idea, I wouldn't feel any fear."  Do I really want that thought running my life?  What if I practiced a different...

Responsibility is not blame - responsibility is your ABILITY to respond, it is taking ownership of reality instead living within the fantasy of what SHOULD be.

Responsibility and Freedom are directly proportional - the more responsibility you take in your life, the more freedom you experience.  When that responsibility is connected to being hurt or offended, we call it forgiveness.

Forgiveness is about CHOOSING to let go of the IMPACT of an event.  It’s offering yourself the opportunity to regain the energy that’s wasted when you hold on to the hurts, the slights, and the pains of the past.

• Not about pretending something didn’t happen
• Not about pretending there was no pain
• Not about pretending that there aren’t times when people are cruel on purpose

It IS about letting go of the impact on us

“As long as we hold onto the myth that not forgiving is protection, then we’re frozen in place.” - Dr. Lee Baucom

We all have HOLIDAY traditions we love - opening presents on Christmas Eve or waiting for Christmas morning, making gingerbread houses at Thanksgiving, putting up Christmas decorations on Black Friday (or November 1st in my case), or maybe you like to eat 2 entire pies on Thanksgiving Day.

My family has celebrated the holidays with church services, gifts, lip-sync contests, polka dancing, sporting events, Christmas cookies, movie marathons, sleep-overs, all night video game marathons, trips to Disneyland, family skits, days at the beach, hiking, rock climbing, Christmas light walks, truck bed caroling through the neighborhood, and even  Taco Bell.

We've tried turkey, ham, clam chowder, and prime rib!  There have been Corn Flake cookies, date cookies, cookies in the shape of Santa, trees, snowmen, and bells.  One year, my cousin and I even decide to start a business selling fake snow by chipping away at the styrofoam  packaging in my grandparents' basement.

There have been gift exchanges with a variety of "rules".  There have been years when the gifts were plenty, and years when they were scarce.  We've tried ALL attending the same church services and doing our own thing.

Some of this stuff inspired that Christmas feeling we...

The first time I heard this famous quote from Teddy Roosevelt I was in Mr Barry's class in high school in 1991.  He was an inspirational teacher to me and this quote connected with me on a deep level.  There was a seed planted that day - and in 1995, it became the permanent "rule" for the filter of my life story.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his...

In this episode, I asked Whitney about the the difficulty she found while she was still living in one story, but attempting to write ...and BELIEVE a new one.  She came up with insightful defense mechanisms that her brain used to keep her safe and stuck.

Thoughts like:

"What are you trying to do, PRETEND that events from your past didn't really happen?"

"You're just a broken person pretending to be strong - you're being fake."

"Sure, things are going well now, but how long can it really last?  Do even deserve any of this progress?"

Whitney got me thinking about some powerful thoughts that she used to counteract these thoughts and validate the NEW thoughts she was practicing in order to get NEW results in her life.

"I thought the victim Whitney was real because the scars were real, but it turns out that my victim-hood was a costume I was wearing to cover up those scars ...to cover up the truth.  Taking off that costume was terrifying, but now I can see...